So this guy (age 22) and I (age 23) have been hanging out for 6 months. Started out purely platonic and hanging out in group settings. Things started to intesify, feelings were developing on my side and we started spending alot of time one on one watching movies. He started initiating closeness and snuggling with me on the couch. This went on for weeks, and I assumed he had feelings developing for me also. Anyways, I recently found out that he was acting only out of friendship and doesnt want a relationship with anyone right now because he just started a new job. He told me this. I started to feel used and realized we needed boundaries to our friendship because I wanted more than he did at this point in time. So I talked to him about not being so close on the couch anymore. After this talk things changed and we started spending less time together. i started feeling insecure and desperate for things to go back to the way they were. I started texting alot and telling him that maybe we couldnt be friends right now. And he kept telling me I was overreacting and making a bigger deal out of everything than I needed to. I realized alot of my words came from being hurt and confused as to why things didnt work out. So after alot of regretful text messages and unnescessary comments, we have no hung out for 3 weeks & I believe he is started to ignore my emotional texts. Did I screw this up for good? Is there a chance we can be friends again? I know for guys seeing a desperate girl is the most unattractive quality. What should I do at this point to try and make this right again?

Did you scare him away? Yes. Can you recover from this? Yes. So first things first, lets understand a few things:

1. When a straight single man spends time with you, he has sexual interest in you. Period. (FYI when a straight man who is NOT single spends time with you, he also has sexual interest in you but the parameters become more complicated with regards to whether or not you have a chance at establishing a relationship)

2. When a man has both high sexual and romantic interest in you, he will walk through glass to be with you. He could have the most demanding job ever, and he would still find a way to be with you. For a case in point, research South Carlina Governor Mark Sanford and his Argentinian girlfriend. This guy left his post as chief of the state and his family for a secret rendezvous in another country with his mistress. A job is going to stop a guy who is really into you from being with you? Really? You think so? Come on ...

3. When you give someone high levels of attention and affection without reciprocation, you WILL be taken for granted. This means when you send texts confessing your true feelings and asking for things to go back to how they were, he thinks,"Ho hum. I've got this girl in the bag, she is so into me. When I get bored or desperate I'll give her a call to pleasure me ..."

So what does all this mean for your situation? It means this guy has sexual interest in you, but his interest level isn't high enough in you in order to have a relationship with you on YOUR terms. That means spending time together when you want, doing things you want, treating you the way you want.

How do you get his interest level in you high enough in order for him to want to CHASE you and give you the type of relationship you want? 2 things -- you need to make sure you project that you are the type of woman he wants, and next you need to make sure he knows that it is NOT a given that he has you at his beck and call. Read these two articles and you'll be fine:

1. Understand how to project yourself as a dream match to the opposite sex

2. Understand how to increase someone's interest level in you

Good luck ...
TIM